I Can’t Dance

But I can walk my talk.

It’s the holiday season but I can’t dance.

Now New Year’s is coming and you still hope for a positive change and start to think about your resolutions. Maybe they’re just another proof of what an amateur we are when it comes to everything in life.

Ideas sound good because they’re ideas.

“Who here love surprises, say I!” Tony Robbins asked in his famous and iconic TED presentation in 2006.

And the audience’s voices filled the room with a big and loud “I!”

“Bullshit”, Tony replied. “You love surprises as you want, the ones you don’t want you call them problems”.

We love variety; however, if it doesn’t come to our advantage we act like little morons. And yet most people when asked about their fortune they would say that they’re completely responsible for the result they got. They mean “the good stuff” that happened to them.

Not everybody likes to admit they’ve been lucky when they’ve been lucky.

There’s a bit where Jerry Seinfeld says “we should take any compliment with some humility”, even when it’s true. Prestige, recognition, power, etc. It can be taken all back in a second.

What breaks most people is that they expect the things which happen to them to please them.

Wars are happening, and there’s joy and laughter at the same time and yet if we could choose between them we’d rather experience hardships through the news and theaters only.

Is not that the surprising factor is unpleasant. It is just that we like it at the right moments.

Most people are born with this desire to feel comfortable all the time.

At the beginning of this year, I was strongly discontent about my work. I was bored. And the people I worked with were emotionally unstable to an excruciating degree. After a while, I quit. I left that restaurant job not really happy but relieved.

Then I got a new job, then I thought, “oh no, again?” I was experiencing the same problems I had in my previous job. And my discontent grew bigger and bigger. And I did the biggest rationalization exercise of all time. It didn’t work.

“Enough of bullshit”, I thought.

Sure I was exhausted, and I was blaming my balls because I couldn’t dance.

And still, I can’t dance.

I was unable to engage in my favorite hobbies. And this factor particularly pissed me off like the death of Michael Corleone’s father.

By no stretch am I like Michael Corleone or think like Michael Corleone.

But I made a decision that turned my nights of sleep (it’s rather my early mornings since I’m an early bird) into soothing peaceful bliss. I said to my boss, “I’m leaving tomorrow; I got a better job offer, etc.”

He couldn’t believe it.

And then I thought of the things we think and say that don’t mean shit.

Why does your job dictate how you feel about your life?

And what would it look like once you retire?

And what really intrigues me is that most people believe they can live in another dimension by changing something ordinary about their lives. But they themselves won’t change.

“So what do you want?”, my boss asked.

“Nothing”, I said.

“You must want something,”.

“I want my time back, that’s all”.

“Don’t you want more money?”

“No-yes. But not right now”.

Later that day I sat and reflected and scribbled something on my journal. I sort of decided to stay and there’s no one single day that I don’t feel like quitting.

Things aren’t as dramatic as we like to think but since I’m writing an article I got to indulge myself in that crap.

At the beginning of this year, we all imagined which goals could’ve been achieved and what victories could’ve been obtained. To be honest, I had only two goals, and they’re minimalistic enough and simple enough to get after.

Like writing, which takes so much discipline but can’t be taken for granted. Only because you did yesterday doesn’t mean you’re going to do it again today. And I feel I can’t do it because of this parasitizing job. And a crappy job can make you dislike your whole life for a second.

When imagining New Year’s resolutions we never consider or ponder about the unexpectedness of life, the good or the bad fortune.

Not everybody’s the same but I’m more interested in how I live my life than being caught up in checklists and distracting numbers.

A few weeks ago I was at the bank resolving some issues when I found myself in a random queue in a random room filled with unknown characters. At first, I was calm and analytical, then for a second my stoicism failed me, and I imagined myself giving a presentation to that crowd explaining the origins of the word fortune, which I also didn’t know for sure.

In 1980 Woody Allen made the now-classic mockumentary Zelig. Besides the amusing comedic sketches and funny jokes, the great theme of Zelig is his inability to be comfortable being himself. Re-watching the film one year ago got me thinking “What about us?”

Zelig’s self-esteem is as low as most people’s except for the constant seeking of other people’s approval. He literally becomes a social chameleon.

I’m not a social chameleon, but I wouldn’t say I always stand out either. The easiest thing to do it’s not to be bothered by what others think or say. Mostly because they don’t mean it. And I’ve got to feel the same about myself, putting my ego in check and avoiding bullshit as much as I can.

When responding to Tony Robbins’ question during that conference, the audience immediately screamed “Yes, I love surprises”. Perhaps they didn’t mean it, but they did say it.

I believe in the “mot juste” not only in writing but verbally and mentally also. It may exist the “penseé juste” or the “action juste” as well.

You must look for the only and right way of expressing your ideas and actions.

Don’t believe your own bullshit.

In the film Pulp fiction, there’s the iconic final robbery scene in which Samuel L. Jackson who plays Jules, a character who repent of his life of crime and decided to retire, recites the biblical passage he used before killing anyone:

Ezekiel 25:17. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.”

But this time he said it differently.

“I been sayin’ that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass” he says to Tim Roth.

“Now I’m thinking, it could mean you’re the evil man. And I’m the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here, he’s the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be that you’re the righteous man and I’m the shepherd and it’s the world that’s evil and selfish”, he continued.

“But that shit ain’t the truth. The truth is you’re the weak. And I’m the tyranny of evil men. But I’m tryin’. I’m tryin’ real hard to be a shepherd.”

Isn’t it pretty to think so?